It's Been Five Years
May 5, 2020 (5/5/20) will be the 5th anniversary of the surgery on May 5, 2015 (5/5/15) that left me blind. That’s a lot of fives!
When this date comes around each year, it is always a very emotional time. I think a lot about what my life was like back in 2015 and how suddenly all of it changed. It is hard during these moments of reminiscing to not dwell on how challenging my life is now due to my blindness compared to how carefree my life used to be.
Five years is a long time, but it seems like it has flown by so quickly, especially when I think of everything that has happened since 2015. I have been shuffled in and out of hospitals, traveled the world both for medical treatments and for leisure, returned to and graduated from college, witnessed my sister get married and welcomed my first nephew three years later. I found a love for exercise, had to say goodbye to my grandma, got a dog, and moved into a house. I also started a blog, podcast, and speaking career and learned so much along the way. It’s been an emotionally draining and physically challenging five years to say the least. The journey has also been filled with rewarding moments, triumphs, and a lot of life lessons.
That being said, here are five important things that I have learned over the past five years:
Life is Unpredictable
I learned this lesson in 2015, the year that I lost my sight.
Sure, we all know that life can throw us unexpected curve balls, but I had never truly experienced how unpredictable life can be until this year. I had never expected or even entertained the fact that something like this could happen to me. When you are 20 years old, you don’t think about your mortality or vulnerabilities very much. I focused more on the “cause and effect” aspects of life. If I do this, then something specific will happen as a result.
Sara Claudia sitting on a bench with Sully, her dog, as a puppy
But in 2015, I learned that, sometimes, life isn’t like that at all. It can be unpredictable and unfair, and you might not know how to handle it. Despite this, I also learned that God is not unpredictable. He is always the same, always ever-present, and always merciful. By accepting the changes in my life and trusting that God had a plan, I was able to face those unpredictable moments after my sight loss.
Life Keeps Going - Whether You Move With It Or Not
Life did seem to stand still for the first few weeks after my sight loss, and I honestly felt like I was at the center of it. After a couple of months, though, my family, friends, and, yes, even I, had to get back to real life. Slowly, I realized that life had to keep going, and I had to decide whether I was going to move on with it or settle into my grief and hardships permanently.
In 2016, this lesson really hit home when my sister got married. It was an emotional and bittersweet time. I was so happy and excited for her, and I was honored to be able to stand by her side as the maid of honor. However, I was also extremely sad that I could not see her walk down the aisle, gaze at all of the beautiful decorations, or even see myself in my bridesmaid dress. Dwelling on this, though, got me nowhere. It only made me, and everyone around me, miserable.
Sara Claudia in the bridal party at her sister’s wedding
Instead, I had to accept the fact that, whether I can physically see it or not, life is going to keep moving on around me. In order to keep moving with it and not get left behind, I had to figure out ways to still enjoy life and find happiness despite my sight loss. It was a tough lesson to learn. I realized how important it is to rejoice and praise God, not only in the good times, but in the hard times as well. This helped me to keep moving forward, focus on the positive, and trust that God was still working in those hard moments.
Family and God Are Everything
It didn’t take me long after losing my sight to realize that relying on God and my family would be the only way I could survive.
In 2015, I rededicated my life to Christ. Learning just how important a personal relationship with God is was one of the best lessons I have learned over the past five years. Since that decision, my faith and trust in God as well as my relationship with Him has grown so much stronger. It’s what helps me face the unpredictable, dark times with hope and strength. My family has also supported me and allowed me to lean on them from day one. Never in my life have I ever appreciated each one of them more. When friends, boyfriends, teachers, and others came and went, they were always right there to hold me up, dry my tears, or give me some tough love.
Sara Claudia holding her nephew, Charlie
My family and I have always loved traveling and taking fun family trips. In 2017, we really started to get our travel mojo back after my sight loss. Before this, we took a lot of medical trips, but none of us, especially me, were sure how enjoyable it would be for me to travel to new places while blind. Over the past five years, and especially when we really started traveling, I learned just how patient, loving, and supportive family can be. I am thankful for them every single day because they helped me learn how to still enjoy life despite my blindness!
It Really Doesn’t Get Easier
Over the past five years, I have endured some extremely hard, dark, and sad moments. In 2018 especially, I was struggling a great deal with my sight loss.
I felt uncertain about my future, was frustrated with all of the hardships that blindness causes, and just felt exhausted from facing it every day. I distanced myself from God, family, and friends in the midst of these troubles. Other than the first year after losing my sight, this was the hardest time along my journey. I got through it, but, honestly, I still have days where I feel the same way.
I have learned that living with grief from such an immense loss never really goes away. I am always going to face the pain, frustration, and sorrow that comes with my sight loss. However, I get a little bit better at handling it with each struggle, prayer, and moment of vulnerability. No, it doesn’t necessarily get easier to handle, but I am becoming more prepared to deal with those bad days when they do occur as I strengthen my faith and trust in God.
You Can Do More Than You Think You’re Capable Of
When I look back at the past five years, there are so many things that I have done or accomplished that make me think, “Did I really do that?!”
I am constantly surprising myself with what I am able to accomplish despite my disability. I traveled across the country by myself in 2016, moved into my own house in 2017, went back to college in 2016 and graduated in 2019. I have zip-lined, swam with dolphins, and ran a few 5k races.
Sara Claudia ziplining
Sara Claudia on a stage at a speaking engagement
Sara Claudia recording an episode of her podcast
All of it would have been impossible, though, without God. I had to give my situation over to Him, because it was too much to handle on my own. When I did this, and allowed Him to work through my hardships, He opened up so many doors, poured out so many blessings, and taught me that, with Him, there would be no limit to what I could accomplish.
With these last five years under my belt, I am looking forward to the next five. What will I learn and what will God do? Stay tuned to find out!
