I have always considered myself as being pretty independent.

From the time I was a little girl, I remember being completely content just doing my own thing. I had no problem exploring in the woods with just my dog for company, playing in my room on my own, and otherwise keeping myself entertained.

As I got older, I became the kind of person who didn’t always follow the trends and who you could even find eating at restaurants by herself.

Yep, I’m that person.

I like getting things done my own way, on my own schedule, and I love some good quiet time.

Sometimes though, life throws us challenges that seem to strip us of our free will. After I lost my sight, I struggled with losing a lot of my independence.

Not being able to drive, cook for myself, do my own shopping, or even locate items around the house without help were just some of the things that I struggled with daily.

Over the years, I have learned ways to accomplish most of these tasks on my own, although they still won’t let me drive!

We can also lose our independence in another sense, though.

This occurs when life or our current circumstances become too hard for us to handle emotionally on our own.

I also experienced this kind of loss of independence after losing my sight. I spent most of my life being able to handle my emotional trials on my own, and I tried to do the same with my new circumstances.

However, I quickly realized that blindness and all of the unfamiliar emotions and hardships that accompanied it were just too much. Thankfully, in all of these trials, whether losing our independence physically or emotionally, we have a God who doesn’t want us to walk alone.

He doesn’t want us to be independent, but rather he wants us to run to Him, to be dependent on Him, His guidance, and His mercy.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16)

This was, and still is, a very hard concept for me to remember, though. I still want to be independent in my daily life and learn to take care of and advocate for myself despite my disability, but I also know that I cannot get through all of the challenges that life brings without my Heavenly Father.

How can we learn to balance the need to be independent with the need to also be dependent on God?

Here are a few things that I have learned along the way:

Prayer

I have always had a hard time being vulnerable with others. I never like to share my insecurities, limitations, fears, or real emotions. It comes from my desire to be independent, put on a strong front, and deal with these issues on my own.

Thankfully, for the first twenty years of my life, I never faced anything that was too challenging to handle independently.

When I lost my sight in 2015, however, I was faced with a whole new set of fears, limitations, insecurities, and worries that I quickly realized were too much for me to simply sweep under the rug.

Still, I did not want to admit this to others, or even to God. It was easier for me to stay strong on the outside, but that façade definitely had its cracks. As I attempted to bottle up my emotions, though, they began to seep through those cracks in the form of anger and hostility towards others.

At this point, I knew that I needed to swallow my pride and independence and admit that I needed help.

While I did begin to open up to family, friends, and even a Christian counselor, I still found that it was hard for me to be truly transparent with my feelings. I tended to sugar-coat my hardships in an effort to maintain my strong, independent façade.

Sara Claudia walking with her cane over a bridge.

Honestly, I still do this even today.

When I learned to turn to God in prayer, I was truly able to let down those walls. Admitting my vulnerabilities to Him was not as hard as I thought because, of course, He already knew every single one of them.

“Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!” (Matthew 6:8)

God already knew what I was struggling with, so it was easy for me to open up to Him about things that I was not ready to talk about with others.

By being dependent on Him through prayer, I was not only able to admit my vulnerabilities to Him, but I was also able to admit them to myself and begin to deal with them in my daily life and in interactions with others.

We can also see the power of being dependent on God in prayer play out in 1 Samuel 7. When the Israelites were facing an oncoming battle with the Philistines, they were very afraid. Samuel, who would become their leader and judge, knew what to do though.

” …He pleaded with the Lord to help Israel, and the Lord answered him.” (1 Samuel 7:9)

Samuel led the Israelites in turning their eyes and hearts back to God, in sacrifice, and in prayer for protection and strength against the Philistine army.

Much like the battles that we often face in our own lives, Samuel knew that they could not defeat the strong army on their own. They needed help and went to the Lord in dependent prayer.

“Just as Samuel was sacrificing the burnt offering, the Philistines arrived to attack Israel. But the Lord spoke with a mighty voice of thunder from heaven that day, and the Philistines were thrown into such confusion that the Israelites defeated them.” (1 Samuel 7:10)

The Lord defeated the Philistines on behalf of the Israelites as they found protection through dependence on His mighty power.

Just like Samuel and the Israelites, I found refuge, healing, and security in prayer as I learned to be vulnerable with God and trade my emotional independence with a dependence on Him.

Community

While becoming more dependent on God through prayer, He has also guided me in balancing my independence with a dependence on others.

It is so prevalent in our society to focus on one’s own accomplishments, journey, and problems that we often lose sight of the community around us.

God did not design us this way, however. He longs for us to support one another, lean on one another, and, ultimately, lead one another to Him… and that takes a strong sense of dependence.

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:13-14)

Sara Claudia enjoying time in community with her brother, Walt Tillman, and her dad, Dr. Rick Tillman.

Sure, we do have the freedom and free will to wander Earth doing as we please. If we only focus on ourselves, our independence, and our freedom, though, we will only be doing just that…. wandering aimlessly and forgetting why we are really here.

Instead, we should be finding a community to lean on so that they can build us up in Christ as we purposefully travel this Earth showing the light of Christ in us to others along the way.

As I mentioned previously, it has always been hard for me to be dependent on and vulnerable towards others. The importance of community has been something that God has been trying to instill in me for a long time, and I have not made it easy for Him with my stubborn and hard-headed nature. After I lost my sight, it was so hard for me to rely on others to meet my physical needs.

When I went back to school, it was hard for me to depend on others to meet my technological and accessibility needs.

When I was struggling with grief and pain, it was almost impossible for me to rely on others to meet my emotional needs.

As I became more dependent on God, and my relationship with Him grew stronger, I began to pay more attention to the people around me. Those that He had already placed in my life and those that He was presently placing in my path. I began to see how patient, caring, and supportive all of these people were despite the fact that I often resisted their attempts at building me up whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

God was breaking down those walls in me through the community he was placing around me.

I am still working on being more dependent on others whether in my daily life or in my walk with Christ, but I am so thankful for the people in my life who have made this process so much easier.

In balancing my own independence with a dependence on God and others, I am now more willing and able to show God’s mercy and love through reaching out to others whether they need help physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Scripture

Lastly, I learned that, while still being independent, I can gain a lot of direction through being dependent on God’s word.

Through studying scripture, I have learned that we can use the various parables, letters, and historical accounts as a road map of sorts. There is so much we can gain through seeking guidance from people in the Bible who have faced challenges, triumphs, or similar situations that we are walking through today.

Sara Claudia zoomed in holding the Bible.

Take Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 for example. In this account, Hannah is in deep grief over her struggles with infertility, a problem that many women face today. Instead of trying to face this burden on her own, she went to the Lord.

“…But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 1:15)

And what about David later in this same book? Goliath was a mighty and strong warrior.

“Then Goliath, a Philistine champion from Gath, came out of the Philistine ranks to face the forces of Israel. He was over nine feet tall! He wore a bronze helmet, and his bronze coat of mail weighed 125 pounds. He also wore bronze leg armor, and he carried a bronze javelin on his shoulder.” (1 Samuel 17:4-6)

David knew that he would not be able to face him on his own...

Where did he turn?

“David replied to the Philistine, “You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies—the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.” (1 Samuel 17:45)

These amazing people with their strong faith can show us that, while being secure in who you are is powerful, being dependent on God is so much more rewarding.

Through being vulnerable with God in prayer, accepting the support from those He places in our path, and relying on God’s word to pave the way, we can learn to be more dependent on God.

Being independent may feel like a great accomplishment, but the blessings we can receive from submitting to His guidance far outweigh what we can accomplish by our own hands.